Motivate the Tiny Humans
Verily I say, men should be anxiously engaged in a good cause, and do many things of their own free will, and bring to pass much righteousness; For the power is in them, wherein they are agents unto themselves. And inasmuch as men do good they shall in nowise lose their reward. -Doctrine & Covenants 58:27-28
Can I just start out saying that the great nation of the United States of America has one particular flaw that kind of irks me? I’m not going to get political here. It is something that seems to get increasingly worse as a cultural standard. I feel the majority of people, at least the ones I’m exposed to, are materialistic. We are major consumers of stuff.
Now you are wondering, what does that have to do with motivating the tiny humans? Maybe she just really had to get that off her chest. Well, yes, but it does have to do with the tiny humans and a bad kind of motivation. Have you ever bribed your child?
Dr. Steve Dennis, College Dean of Education & Human Development at BYU-I, said this, “Bribes don’t effectively motivate children in the long run. They buy temporary compliance, but do little to change the heart or long-term interest in the enterprise for which the reward has been given.”
Let’s keep this part short, because I really want to talk about part 2 of this segment. My thoughts on bribery are this. If I give my tiny human a piece of candy if she stops throwing a fit, I just taught her to throw a fit any time she wants a piece of candy. If I offer my tiny human a new toy for completing reading a large book, then tiny human overlooks the feeling of accomplishment for completing such a monumental task in her eyes. Sometimes, we cover up the authentic reasons for worthwhile accomplishments with consumerism. One more thing on this point. Another quote from Dr. Dennis, “The goal of parenting is not manipulated obedience.” When we use bribes, that is exactly what we are doing. We are manipulating them to good, instead of influencing and teaching them to simply be good.
So, bribery, not your finest motivation.
Ok part 2.
“Great job on that test!”
“Nice pitch!”
“You danced beautifully!”
“That song you played on the piano sounded beautiful.”
Those are great things to say to the tiny humans, right? Only partly. We are praising something probably quite praiseworthy, but it just talks about the final product. That’s not going to help us influence and teach the big character trait that helps tiny humans be self-motivated to be good or good at something. Wouldn’t it be nice to finally come home after school, the orthodontist, and gymnastics, and not have to ask the tiny humans to practice piano? That would require a pretty big character trait.
Oh, you want to know what trait that is, and how to program the tiny human with it?
Let me give you a few insights from a Dr. Carol Dweck, Professor of Psychology at Stanford University, and a Dr. Angela Lee Duckworth, Professor of Psychology at University of Pennsylvania.
Dr. Dweck calls the big trait having a ‘growth mindset.’ Dr. Duckworth calls it grit. I call it effort. We have to teach our tiny humans to not be afraid of effort. We have to teach our tiny humans to love effort.
Dr. Dweck gives a clear and really quite simple way to help instill this trait into our tiny humans. Change the way we praise.
Instead of “Great job on that test” make it “You studied hard to do that well on that test! Great effort!”
Instead of “Nice pitch” try “All those hours practicing pitching really paid off!”
Instead of “You danced beautifully” change it to “All that time practicing your dance turned into a beautiful performance.”
I think you are starting to get the idea. You focus more on praising all the effort that it took to get to the accomplishment, than the accomplishment itself.
Dr. Duckworth concurs with what some people call the 10000 hour or 10-year theory. If you don’t know what that is, it means that no one started out amazing at something. Do you think Gabby Douglas (Olympic gold medalist in gymnastics) was 3-years-old performing a perfect back hand spring? No. She had to practice. The theory is that it takes 10000 hours or 10 years of “deliberate effortful practice” (Dr. Duckworth’s terms) to master something.
I’m not striving for all or any of my tiny humans to become Olympic champions, but I want them to do hard things. We all have to in life. It is easier to develop a character trait in youth than it is in your adult life. This one especially. So, let them do hard things. Encourage their efforts, preferably more than their accomplishments.
And, let them fail. Because remember FAIL means: First Attempt In Learning. (Anonymous)
Citations:
(2012, September 24). Retrieved December 20, 2018, from https://highered-nbclearn-com.byui.idm.oclc.org/portal/site/HigherEd/browse?cuecard=113407
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